Dreams and the calls of the heart.


I recently turned 47 years old. I have a hard time even as I type that believing it. I don’t feel like I am a few short years from 50. My mind still believes I am somewhere around, oh say,  34 maybe. I like to believe I have so much time to do all the things I dream of doing.  Yet, there are very clear signs I am aging and not the young girl my mind would believe me to be.

This past week was a little chaotic. Just as I was having a moment of questioning can I do all of this, the universe, God, call it what you like, sent me some pretty clear messages. Even a dear friend of mine I am set to have tea with this weekend would be like who, your getting neon signs.  Some have been so perfectly timed I have to laugh as tears are rolling down my face. I then am able to breath in and push forward.

One recent “neon sign” was after a long day at work, I had locked up the kitchen, said goodnight to our porter and was walking to the front door. The night security guard was on and we had our usual small talk. I don’t see him often and he doesn’t know tomuch of what is going on in my personal life.  We were honestly talking about something mundane when suddenly he told me I needed to make my dreams come true and enjoy my life more. I had to catch my breath.  He gave me a short little talk and then laughed and apologized. Said he wasn’t sure where that came from but he had to tell me.  He’s a gruff older gent who is a Veteran who’s traveled the world.   So this was sort of out of character for him. I laughed, said no it was needed and confirmed something calling me deeply lately.  He smiled and said good I wouldn’t think he was a lunatic.  We laughed and said goodnight. I got into the parking lot and said “message heard universe”.

Another one that came was this quote from Elenore Roosevelt.  It was on the email from the Chopra Center’s 21 Day Meditation.  I laughed as I saw it. I was sitting on my deck on this lazy morning enjoying the morning sun and the sound of the birds.  I thought how beautiful are dreams. I also thought how loud mine are becoming as I get older. So loud I can’t ignore them.

I’ve read and heard that as we age, especially women who are close to or in menopause, that suddenly our desires, truths and dreams bubble to the surface and get in your face untill they can’t be ignored.  If you don’t listen they will manifest in health issues, aches, pains and good old emotional eating as we try to stuff them away and silence them.

Sometimes these dreams cause us to change as we realize we have to live them out or regret it deeply.    I can say I see it myself.  I use to wonder what the hell was wrong with me when out of my mouth came a truth but it wasn’t sugar coated and put nicely like I once would have said it.   I find myself taking inventory of my life and even my possessions and riding myself of things I no longer find use for. That dress I think I’ll fit into again one day, those craft supplies I will never use, books,  friendships that are one sided, toxic people , guilt, self doubt and feelings of not being enough.   I crave less drama, less chaos, and more tranquility.

I am happy to say that I have knocked a lot off my so called bucket list.  I hate that term to be honest. We have to come up with a new one.  sometimes as a dream unfolds I find myself so overcome with emotions I can’t help but have a few tears roll down my face. I use to think “sappy old lady, your letting your age show”.  Now I realize it’s my soul saying thank you. Thank you for working to make this come true.

Do your dreams call to you? Do they wake you up in the middle of the night? Do you stare at the stars making wishes? Are you too getting older and hearing them more loudly?   I’d love to hear your  thoughts. Leave them in the comments below.